The Constant Doubt: What Am I Even Good At?
What are my strengths? Some people can list their strengths like a recipe. For many neurodivergent people, it feels more like fog: you sense that something is there, but it’s hard to grasp.
Masking, Adaptation, and the “I Don’t Know Who I Am” Syndrome
Imagine you want to understand yourself better and look for an outside perspective. Maybe someone’s talking with you, or you’re filling out a questionnaire. Do you know that feeling that you could never give exactly the same answers again?
Not because you don’t want to, but because you’re simply not sure what you just said. You like documentation and meeting notes because otherwise things seem to slip through your fingers like sand. That’s (subconscious) mistrust in your own perception and it’s especially uncomfortable when it affects your sense of self-knowledge.
For neurodivergent people, there’s a specific reason for this: masking. Masking is a strategy to hide behaviors, traits, or emotions. Basically everything that society’s “norm image” often labels as too much, and that may have been met with disapproval early in life. For some of us, masking becomes not just a habit, but second nature which becomes a problem, because at some point, you no longer recognize yourself.
Closely related to that: impostor syndrome. Maybe I do my work well and reliably. But if I only ever do it while masking, part of me keeps whispering, “That’s not really me.” Even though masking often happens unconsciously, the same unconscious logic drives that sense of internal consistency.
Of course, neither masking nor impostor syndrome are exclusive to neurodivergent people. If you recognise yourself in this from another context, that’s completely fine.
Why Neurotypical Questions (“What Are You Good At?”) Miss the Point for Us
You can’t fully trust your own self-assessment, okay. But there are still tests, models, and questionnaires. Surely, an outside view will give you clear direction, right? Not always.
In short: Different neurotypes process questions differently, because they think differently.
“What are you good at?” is a perfect example. When I hear that, my brain first goes to: What’s something useful I can do for others? In other words, what’s helpful for others and feasible for me (“do-able”).
From conversations, I know other neurotypes interpret the question very differently, as if they were asked:
What do you enjoy? What makes you happy? What do you want to contribute?
Even though I know that intellectually, my brain still answers the way it’s wired to. And I only realize I could interpret the question differently once I consciously reflect on it.
That’s not unusual. There’s probably no question that everyone interprets in the same way. This becomes a problem in surveys or interviews that assume a high level of comparability in their answers. It also explains why many neurodivergent people draw a blank when asked standard strengths questions. Not because they don’t have strengths, but because the question doesn’t fit how they think.
What Strengths Really Are – Beyond Performance and Roles
The Difference Between Skills, Competencies, and Strengths as Traits
Let’s start broad and get more specific. The Collins Dictionary defines the term as follows:
“A trait is a particular characteristic, quality, or tendency that someone or something has.” (source)
In other words: It describes a characteristic feature that belongs to the essence of a person or thing, distinctive qualities that are inherent to us.
Skills usually refer to concrete, learnable, applicable abilities. Competencies can stem from broader expertise that goes beyond a single skill, or they can be formally assigned, for example, decision-making competence in a workplace context.
Strengths, however, are more focused on the person. Those are traits that become advantageous in the right environment. To develop your strengths, align your skills and competencies and find or create the right surroundings for them to thrive.
Why Strengths Aren’t a To-Do, but a “This Is Who I Am”
Modern society trains us to see strengths as something we perform, a checklist of measurable skills to train, refine, and prove. But real strengths don’t come from tension. They come from authenticity. They tend to appear precisely when you’re not searching for them, but when you’re just being, acting, or playing.
A strength isn’t a task on your to-do list. It’s an expression of your inner logic, your way of understanding, responding to, and moving through the world. Neurodivergent people in particular often confuse adaptation with competence, having spent years filling gaps others didn’t even see. That’s not strength. That’s a sign of over-adaptation.
How the Right Environment Brings Out Your Strengths
What’s seen as a strength doesn’t solely depend on your individual traits. It depends on context as well. Here are two examples:
1. Analytical thinking is generally praised and looks great on a résumé. But have you ever been in an agile team or a fast-paced meeting where someone told you, “You’re overcomplicating things” or “We don’t need to get scientific about it right now”?
2. Stubbornness is usually seen as a negative trait, certainly something no one would list or expect on a résumé. But can you imagine successful quality management without someone who insists on and upholds principles?
Both can be true: Trait X is typically viewed as a strength, but in Environment A it can be a weakness; trait Y is often labeled a weakness, yet in Environment B it becomes a strength.
That’s meant to be encouraging: we can’t choose our traits, but we can choose our environment.
3 Steps to Discover Your Own Strengths
How can you find your strengths especially as a neurodivergent person?
Everyone has traits. Discover yours.
Step 1: What Makes Me Special?
Observe yourself when you’re completely yourself. What traits show up then? It’s not about successes or failures, it’s about patterns. What’s consistently you?
People often ask, “What do you enjoy doing most?” If you have an answer, great! If you’re like me and struggle with that, here are a few more specific prompts:
- Keep a log of what you do each day. After a few weeks, look back. What stands out to you? Did you maybe leave out something very natural to you? When did things feel especially easy, connected, or in flow?
- Ask friends or teammates: “What qualities do you think define me?”
- Think back: What kind of feedback have you received over and over again – positive and negative?
Step 2: Where Can This Be Helpful?
Take each trait from Step 1 and brainstorm: Under what conditions is this trait useful, valuable, or solves a problem? This step is about understanding the mechanism behind your traits and how they apply.
Sensitivity, for example, allows for deep perception of nuance, which becomes valuable in contexts that require emotional or observational depth, like design or coaching.
Once you start, more facets emerge quickly. I like to use mind maps to capture them all because there isn’t a single right answer. This step helps you see, in a deeply individual way, where and how your traits could truly shine. It widens your horizon of possibilities.
Step 3: How Do I Put My Strengths to Good Use?
Now the Could becomes a Being. Take your brainstorm from Step 2 and apply it to your real life. Dreaming is important, but so is reality. (Already did a reality check while brainstorming? Then go back and do it again, this time a bit more freely. Trust me, it helps!)
What are typical situations in your work, community, or personal life? Which ones feel challenging, like a server outage or diving into a new topic? Which of your Step 2 facets might help in those situations?
Notice how your thinking shifts: it’s no longer about what’s good or bad, or who’s doing better or worse. Instead it’s starting to be about what you can contribute, how you can support others, how things can flow and how to find solutions.
And now imagine bringing that clarity into your team. You talk openly about strengths. Maybe someone says, “Hey, you’re good at that. Could you help me with this?” Suddenly it becomes easier to discuss obstacles, too, because you are all focused on how to turn each one’s traits into strengths. Someone mentions a challenge in a meeting; another person jumps in with, “Wait, I might have a solution,” and uses their trait to help someone who didn’t expect a solution anymore.
Conclusion: Your Strengths Aren’t a Result. They’re an Expression of Your Nature
This is about self-understanding, self-acceptance, and visibility. Working with strengths is a tool for self-trust and professional alignment.
But the real leverage happens in teams. Performance matters, but constant focus on performance can actually reduce it. When every team member can lean into their strengths, solutions appear more naturally. Working with strengths is both a method and a homecoming within yourself. Once you arrive there, everything else flows more easily.
Still curious? Book a free introductory session! We’ll figure out together what you need and whether I can help.
Small questions? Just drop them in the comments.